"Moshiach is ready to come now-our part is to increase in acts of goodness and kindness" -The Rebbe

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The attitudes of married people

The concept of “worldly attitudes” discussed earlier is also sometimes termed baalhabatishe hanochos, “the attitudes of married people,” for married people (no offense or blame intended; and of course, in no way do I mean to suggest that one should not marry, for it is a Mitzvah to marry) are much more susceptible to developing these objectionable “worldly attitudes.”

Several reasons may be suggested for this:
  • their contact with the secular world for the purpose of supporting their family exposes them to heretical and immoral influences that desensitize them to the refined and holy approach of Torah in a way that would not have occurred had they stayed in the walls of the Yeshivah; moreover, even if these influences are not blatantly forbidden, they may subtly or not-so-subtly conflict with what is proper and ideal according to the guidance of the Torah;
  • they have precious little time for Torah study and prayer, so they may “lose their touch” to a certain degree when compared with their level as a Yeshivah student; also, even if they exert themselves greatly, their rate of spiritual growth will necessarily be much more slow than it could have been before;
  • the worry and difficulty of earning a living, raising a family, and coping with various other challenges that life brings (may such challenges be as few and as easily overcome as possible) makes it much more difficult for married people to focus on Torah study and prayer in the little time that they have for it.
In contrast, an unmarried young man (a “bochur”) who is yet to go out into the big bad world, and who devotes his entire day to the holy pursuits of Torah study and prayer as a Yeshivah student, or a married person who does not have to leave the walls of the beis midrash (house of Torah study) and is able to devote most of his time to Torah study and prayer, will typically have attitudes that are in accordance with the approach of Torah (also known as “Da’as Torah”).

How is the married person to overcome the detrimental influence of the world on his attitudes? By submitting himself to the guidance of the Yeshiva students and married Torah scholars, who have devoted their time to holy pursuits, as discussed here.


  1. “And this is the mistake of businessmen who think that they are incapable of achieving the same spiritual development through prayer as those who spend their days in the ‘tent of Torah.’ The opposite is the truth: their prayer is even greater, since abundance of light is produced by the presence and challenge of darkness….”

    (Ba’al HaTanya, Torah Or – Noach)

  2. The opposite is also true. One can sit in a yeshiva or in kollel and develop an attitude of meraglim.


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