Don't despair, imperfection is not failure

Earlier it was explained that serving Hashem involves both Iskafya, self-restraint, and Is’hapcha, inner transformation.

However, even after years of striving for inner change, at times the person may be unpleasantly confronted with the realization that his inner self is far, very far, from having been transformed. In a moment of temptation or provocation he loses control, and at that moment all his refined and holy thoughts vanish without a trace. He feels the same raw and wild character traits coursing through him that were there “from his youth” and even “from the moment he stirred to leave the womb” (as referred to in the post linked to above).

This discourages him from striving to change himself. He wonders despairingly, “Of what value were all these years of effort?” He feels like a miserable failure, and wishes to “surrender” in the fight against the evil inclination.

Yet these very doubts are in fact a devious ploy of the evil inclination, and for several reasons:

1) Striving to improve one’s character traits is part of serving Hashem. One should not serve Hashem “for the sake of receiving a reward” (Avos 1:3)—not even for the reward of feeling fulfilled at succeeding in refining oneself. One should strive to improve oneself simply because this is the will of Hashem. Of course, if one reaches the point at which he feels confident that his efforts have borne fruit, so much the better. However, this is only a bonus, and not the reason that one should strive for self-refinement.

2) In reality, over time the person has changed. If he examines himself honestly and compares himself as he is now to the way he was before he decided to devote himself earnestly to serving Hashem and improving himself, he will surely notice a significant change. Beforehand, his ugly character traits were far more severe, and over time, the frequency of occasions in which he lost control diminished, as did the intensity of these desires. He has also significantly developed positive, noble character traits that hardly existed before.

Although the person’s old bad traits still emerge from time to time, and this is a cause for concern, this is not a cause for despair. It is simply an indication that more work remains for him to do—and this is why his soul is still in his body.

3) Hashem created the person’s evil inclination for a reason—in order for the person to be tested by struggling against it. This struggle is most likely meant to continue for the person’s entire life, until his last breath, for only very few reach the level of the Tzaddik, who has vanquished his evil inclination altogether. Moreover, the very fact that the person can even entertain the thought that such base desires do not befit him indicates that he doesn't know his place, for it is simply not his mission in life to reach the level of Tzaddik, and he is destined to struggle with his evil inclination in one form or another.

Rather, his mission is to perform Iskafya. Every act of Iskafya brings Hashem tremendous pleasure, and draws a powerful divine light upon the person. And the main thing is that he fulfills the purpose for which he was created.

With Hashem’s help, the person’s efforts will also bear fruit, and he will transform his inner self to a certain degree, to the point that he will struggle in more subtle areas than he did before. Yet even if one never reaches this point, or does not succeed to the degree he had hoped and aimed for, it doesn’t matter. The main thing is not the nature of the person’s struggle, but his effort. Thus, the one who exerts great effort to overcome a base desire is in a sense superior to the one who performs exceptionally good deeds without effort. As long as the person is struggling, he is fulfilling his purpose in the world.

Based on Tanya chs. 15, 27, 29, 35, classes from my Mashpi’im, and other sources.

Inner self: The true measure of religiosity

In this week’s parsha, Kedoshim, (Vayikra 19:14), it is written:

You shall not ... put a stumbling block before a blind person, and you shall fear your G–d; I am Hashem. Rashi: Before someone who is blind in that particular matter you shall not give advice that is unfair to him. Don’t say to him, “sell your field and buy a donkey,” when your intention is to deceive him and take it from him.”

And you shall fear your G–d. Rashi: Because it is not given to human beings to know whether his intention was for good or evil. He could therefore evade [responsibility] and say “I intended it for his benefit.” Therefore it says concerning it, “you shall fear your G–d,” Who knows your thoughts. Likewise, of every matter that is given over to the heart of the person who does the action and no one else could possibly know [his true intentions], it states, “fear your G–d.”

So often we measure religiosity by externals, both in ourselves and others. Here the Torah warns us that this is not the true measure of divine service.

For example, it’s true that someone who talks in Shul lacks fear of Hashem, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the one who doesn’t talk does fear Hashem. He may be quiet for other reasons—he is a shy person by nature, he wants people to think well of him, and so on.

Likewise, many frum Jews feel that since in general they adhere to the basics of Halacha, this is sufficient, and their divine service is acceptable. What they don’t realize is that in fact Hashem has very little to do with motivating their observance, which (on the revealed level) is driven almost exclusively by other motives.

So although the external actions are important (and I’m certainly not suggesting that they be abandoned, G–d forbid), they often tell us little about the person. The true measure is in the person’s inner self, in his thoughts and feelings, and this is largely between him and Hashem, for “One does not know what is in the heart of one’s fellow” (Pesachim 54b).

The same holds true for the way that the Jew views himself. Let’s say that on some basic level, he wants to serve Hashem. The question that he needs to ask himself is: Is it for real? Is he truly G–d-fearing?

Well, that begs the question: What does it mean to fear Hashem? It means that the person is always conscious that Hashem is watching, and careful to follow His will, even in private.

So is the person G–d-fearing? Well, what does he do in his spare time, when he is alone? Will he waste that time, or use it to learn Torah, or do something positive and constructive for others? What does he think about? Does he naturally think constructive, or holy thoughts? Does he control himself when he desires to think an inappropriate thought, whether about something forbidden, or about a fellow Jew?

The same applies concerning the person and his fellow. When he helps others, he needs to ask himself: What is going through his mind and heart? Does he truly desire to help them, out of ahavas Yisrael (love of a fellow Jew), or is he doing it primarily for other motives—if not deceitful motives, at least selfish ones?

If the answer to some of these questions is in the negative, the person has to realize that despite his technical observance, he has a long way to go on the road to truly serving Hashem. He has to davven to Hashem to help him on this path.

Purifying and rectifying one’s inner thoughts and feelings is what true service of Hashem is all about. The external actions simply provide the necessary framework for accomplishing this goal. To quote the Arizal: “A Mitzvah without the proper intention is like a body without a soul.” For a Jew who is basically religious, the “body” is there—the observance of Halacha. The really hard work, which sadly seems to be widely neglected, is that of infusing the body with a “soul,” the holy feelings that a Jew should feel—true love and fear of Hashem, love of Torah, and love of one’s fellow Jew. And this inner emotional change is accomplished through Avodas HaTefillah, “The service of prayer” (Taanis 2a).

The purpose of a Jew's life: Iskafya and Is’hapcha

As soon as a person becomes self-aware, he realizes that his own worst enemy is himself—his evil inclination (also known as the Bestial Soul).

Without working to refine himself, the person’s natural state is to be wild, ungoverned, and dangerous, driven by selfish and destructive urges, as it is written: “A man is born like a wild ass” (Iyov 11:12) and “The inclination of man is wicked from his youth” (Bereshis 8:21). In fact, our Sages explain (Talmud Yerushalmi, Berachos 3:5) that the word mine’urav, “from his youth,” can also be interpreted as mine’arav, “from the moment he stirs,” i.e., from the moment a fetus stirs to go out into the world, it is confronted by the evil inclination.

So we are starting life, which is given to us in order to serve G–d, with a handicap. Thus, when a Jew decides to devote himself to serving Hashem, he has to overcome the resistance of the evil inclination, who was in charge first, and has been in charge all along, until the Jew reached this decision. He must actively push and force himself to think words of Torah, concentrate on the words of prayer, and perform Mitzvos. At the same time he should distance himself from any behavior or environment that may lead to temptation. This is the notion of Iskafya—bending and forcing oneself to do what one would rather not do, or restraining oneself from a forbidden or inadvisable deed that one desires to commit.

This holds true for someone born into a Torah-observant, and even chassidishe family who for whatever reason never took his heritage seriously, and reached a point of maturity in which he decided to do so.

In a different way, it is also applicable to a newcomer who was introduced to these teachings later in life and desires to embrace them. For although he has become excited about Torah and Mitzvos, since these teachings and practices are yet to permeate his inner self, part of him still desires to sin.

Regardless of the person’s background, the first step of the one who seeks to serve Hashem is Iskafya. However, this is only the beginning. The goal of divine service is that with time, not only will one’s external behavior in thought, speech, and action conform with Hashem’s will, but he will even change his inner self, and change his middos, his character traits. This is known as Is’hapcha, inner transformation.